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Literature Text
Battle on the Castle’s Top
Coating the castle walls with guts, gore, and gristle,
the beast leaves Death’s stench upon the destroyed bailey
and the hidden survivors fearful of its whistle
as the monster slithers past, its body quite scaly.
For this creature, flesh is meat and blood lemonade,
and nothing is tastier than a well-roasted fellow.
The dragon does not see its confidence as foolish masquerade,
so it rests, unguarded, calm, and mellow.
But one man is determined to ruin this illusion,
his sudden entrance shattering the foe’s euphoria,
the confusion bringing about a transfusion
of confidence as the dragon trembles with chorea.
When it’s slayed, it cries, “Unbelievable!”
For it did not see its defeat as something achievable.
Coating the castle walls with guts, gore, and gristle,
the beast leaves Death’s stench upon the destroyed bailey
and the hidden survivors fearful of its whistle
as the monster slithers past, its body quite scaly.
For this creature, flesh is meat and blood lemonade,
and nothing is tastier than a well-roasted fellow.
The dragon does not see its confidence as foolish masquerade,
so it rests, unguarded, calm, and mellow.
But one man is determined to ruin this illusion,
his sudden entrance shattering the foe’s euphoria,
the confusion bringing about a transfusion
of confidence as the dragon trembles with chorea.
When it’s slayed, it cries, “Unbelievable!”
For it did not see its defeat as something achievable.
Literature
Writer's Tip: Show, don't tell.
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So what does “Show, don’t tell.” really mean? SDT is the idea that instead of telling your readers what’s happening in a story, you show them. This seems like an abstract concept to most of us, but what it boils down to is this: using words to give your readers an idea without having to directly state it. There are many ways good writers
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Have you ever set down a book for good because you found something in it you don’t like? If you want to write, I suggest that bad habit end now.
Why, you ask? Because everything you read—and I mean everything–has positive value for you as a writer. Stephen King, and any author worth his or her salt, is a huge advocate of writers reading massive amounts.
Again you ask, why? How can everything be useful? There are a number of reasons and I’ll cover as many as I can.
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This was a Sonnet I had to do for my Creative Writing class last fall; the assignment was to take a bunch of words a fellow classmate gave us and turn them into a sonnet, with the chosen words being at the end of each line. Not the best poem I've ever made, considering it was my first ever sonnet (XD), but I think it's pretty good, no?
Words Used:
Gristle
Bailey
Whistle
Scaly
Lemonade
Fellow
Masquerade
Mellow
Illusion
Euphoria
Transfusion
Chorea
Unbelievable
Achievable
Some questions:
1.) Did I follow the format of a sonnet properly?
2.) Is there any way I can make this poem more interesting?
3.) General sonnet writing tips/suggestions?
4.) Does it flow smoothly? If not, how can I fix the flow?
Critique for theWrittenRevolution: comments.deviantart.com/1/4965… ( Fable: The harlequim and the nutcracker )
Words Used:
Gristle
Bailey
Whistle
Scaly
Lemonade
Fellow
Masquerade
Mellow
Illusion
Euphoria
Transfusion
Chorea
Unbelievable
Achievable
Some questions:
1.) Did I follow the format of a sonnet properly?
2.) Is there any way I can make this poem more interesting?
3.) General sonnet writing tips/suggestions?
4.) Does it flow smoothly? If not, how can I fix the flow?
Critique for theWrittenRevolution: comments.deviantart.com/1/4965… ( Fable: The harlequim and the nutcracker )
Comments6
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1) Yes your rhyme scheme is classic ABAB CDCD EFEF GG, though syllable count has a bit of variance. 12, 12, 13, 13, 12, 14, 16, 10, 14, 14, 12, 14, 10, 15. The classic Iambic Pentameter consists of 10 syllables throughout (though sometimes 11 with feminine rhyme ending, the rhyming of both ending syllables) The sonnet classically will take form of the first 2 quartets of lines putting forward a proposition, then in the third quartet offering a move towards resolution (the 9th line often introduces this move from problem to resolution called the "turn" or "volta"... though sometimes the 9th line will just convey a change in mood or tone of the Sonnet)
2) The Sonnet in classic form is pretty compact, I'd suggest to make it more interesting removing some "filler" words like "the", "and", "a", "is". I find that you can increase the impact of a line by letting some of these just be implied if unnecessary. Also avoid watered down modifiers like "very", "really", "quite"... in my opinion they tend to have almost the opposite effect, rather than making the descriptive seem greater. If the adjective isn't strong enough to convey what you want... keep looking. Or try it without, the result is often better. Perhaps instead of "as the monster slithers past, its body quite scaly." try something like "monster slithers past, massive body scaly." (this also comes in at 11 syllables for feminine rhyme with prior line ending in bailey) Some of the words and phrasing could be changed out for some more impacting words. "When it’s slayed, it cries.." could be something like "with dying gasp it cries... “Unbelievable!” " "For not seen its demise a thing achievable." (syllable count still problematic though)
3) For me keeping with syllables is most frustrating, I end up having to sacrifice much of the wording I'd like to keep. Best to get a sense of the overall Sonnet, what you want to say, perhaps some of the words you want to use and rhymes for them, get the framework together for the 14 lines and adjust as needed to fit the format.
4) The flow is a bit uneven in spots, but the beauty of using the traditional Iambic Pentameter format is that it smooths out unevenness due to widely varying line lengths. For the constraints you were given, this is a very workable first draft.
2) The Sonnet in classic form is pretty compact, I'd suggest to make it more interesting removing some "filler" words like "the", "and", "a", "is". I find that you can increase the impact of a line by letting some of these just be implied if unnecessary. Also avoid watered down modifiers like "very", "really", "quite"... in my opinion they tend to have almost the opposite effect, rather than making the descriptive seem greater. If the adjective isn't strong enough to convey what you want... keep looking. Or try it without, the result is often better. Perhaps instead of "as the monster slithers past, its body quite scaly." try something like "monster slithers past, massive body scaly." (this also comes in at 11 syllables for feminine rhyme with prior line ending in bailey) Some of the words and phrasing could be changed out for some more impacting words. "When it’s slayed, it cries.." could be something like "with dying gasp it cries... “Unbelievable!” " "For not seen its demise a thing achievable." (syllable count still problematic though)
3) For me keeping with syllables is most frustrating, I end up having to sacrifice much of the wording I'd like to keep. Best to get a sense of the overall Sonnet, what you want to say, perhaps some of the words you want to use and rhymes for them, get the framework together for the 14 lines and adjust as needed to fit the format.
4) The flow is a bit uneven in spots, but the beauty of using the traditional Iambic Pentameter format is that it smooths out unevenness due to widely varying line lengths. For the constraints you were given, this is a very workable first draft.